Family Guy - No, but I’m ready for therapy
0:01
看看那个。看看蛋糕。生日快乐，查理和克雷格叔叔。克雷格叔叔的名字用不同的颜色写的。
Look at that. Look at the cake. Happy birthday, Charlie and Uncle Craig. And Uncle Craig's written in a different color.
0:08
哦，可怜的克雷格叔叔。嘿，那是你的前女友，奥利维亚吗？天啊，她在这里干什么？她总是个噩梦。奥利维亚？
Oh, poor Uncle Craig. Hey, is that your ex-girlfriend, Olivia? God, what's she doing here? She was always such a nightmare. Olivia?
0:18
哦，我的天，我看起来还好吗？我讨厌这件衬衫。换衬衫！换衬衫！
Oh, my God, do I look okay? I hate this shirt. Switch shirts! Switch shirts!
0:29
弗兰克，大家都去哪儿了？这本该是我们的大开幕之夜。我告诉你问题出在哪里。每个成功的餐厅都有一个吸引人的点或噱头。这就是我们缺少的。
Frank, where the hell is everybody? This was supposed to be our big opening night I'll tell you what the problem is Every successful restaurant has a hook or a gimmick That's what we're lacking
0:38
不，我们不是，弗兰克，你就是那个吸引人的点。没错，我们只需要让你成为餐厅的面孔。
No, we're not Frank, you're the hook That's right, we just need to make you the face of the restaurant
0:44
可能是我今天早上吃的五条蒜蓉面包在作怪，但我觉得这是个好主意。所以戈比上了升降机。
It may be the five loaves of garlic bread I ate this morning talking But I think that's a swell idea So Gobi gets up on the lift.
0:51
别介意我。我要自己拿一杯泥浆。我喜欢我的黑色。黑得像夜晚。黑得像罪恶。你知道我在说什么吗？
Don't mind me. Just grab myself a cup of mud. I like mine black. Black as night. Black as sin. You know what I'm saying?
0:59
我还没自我介绍。我的团队里的人叫我“扳手”。布莱恩，现在不是你的休息时间。出去帮忙顾客。布莱恩？
Haven't introduced myself. Guys in my crew call me the Ratchet. Brian, it's not your break. Get out there and help the customers. Brian?
1:07
你是谁，我的父亲吗？这个家伙。出去吧。是，先生。
Who are you, my father? This guy. Get out there. Yes, sir.
1:12
那个家伙根本不知道我有多努力。鸟！一只鸟进来了。太棒了。
That guy's got no idea how hard I'm working. Bird! A bird got in. Awesome.
1:35
祝你生活愉快，G先生。你的阴茎露出来了。你想进来吗？嗨，彼得·格里芬，色眯眯的爸爸。
Have a good life, Mr. G. Your penis is out. Would you like to come in? Hi, Peter Griffin, Leering Dad.
1:42
快速问一下。在《Shake It Off》中，你邀请我们来享受，引用一下，这个病态的节拍。
Quick question. In Shake It Off, you invite us to get down to, quote, this sick beat.
1:48
然而你提供的节拍相当温和。我的问题是：我可以舔你的腿吗？该死。这似乎不太奏效。
Yet the beat you then provide is rather mild. My question is this. May I lick your legs? Damn it. This doesn't seem to be working.
1:55
显然，洛伊斯。你不能只去公园列出一堆无聊的事实。
Well, obviously, Lois. You can't just go to a park and list a bunch of boring facts.
2:00
你得让事情变得有趣，就像我当时作为一名歌词密度不均的酒吧歌手时。
You gotta spice things up, like I did when I was a lounge singer with uneven lyric density.
2:05
这是一首我为我美丽的女朋友写的歌。她的名字是金。
This is a song I wrote for my beautiful girlfriend. Her name is Kim.
2:11
我不明白你的父亲为什么对我们有这么多问题，金。
I don't understand why your father has such problems with us, Kim.
2:16
主要是因为我没有按时还车贷，但还有其他原因。
mostly I think it's because I don't make my car payments on time but also
2:19
因为我同时在和金约会，嘿。
because I was dating someone else at the same time as Kim hey
2:22
我是你虐待的父亲，我从这个罐子里喝了一整天。哦，我的天，那是一个装满色情内容的罐子。嘿，寡妇道格拉斯，我想和我爸爸住在一起。
I'm your abusive dad and I've been drinking all day from this here jug oh my god is that a jug full of porn hey Widow Douglas I want to live with my dad
2:31
闭嘴，现在来吧，我需要用你的尿。我明天要参加一个小车测试。
shut your hoe now come on I need to use your pee I'm taking a wagon test in the morning
2:37
我希望你不要喝这么多，别再数我的酒了，快过来让我揍你。哎呀！该死！
I wish you wouldn't drink so much stop counting my drinks now get over here so I can whip you Ow! Crap!
2:45
不！是的，没错，贱人。现在轮到你了。不！
No! Yeah, that's right, bitch. Now it's your turn. No!
2:55
感觉太皱了。再试一次。感觉太皱了。你完了，哈哈。
Feel too crinkly. Try again. Feel too crinkly. You're done la funny.
3:03
这对你来说一定很困难。确实如此。这里有很多选择。但我不想和你说话。看看这两个肿块。
This must be so difficult for you. It is. There's a lot of choices here. But I ain't talking to you. Look at these two lumps.
3:10
我把他的现代阴茎弄坏了，爸爸。你为什么还穿着那个圣诞老人？
I broke his modern penis, Dad. Why are you still wearing that Santa?
3:14
好吧，商场里的那个家伙让我一直待到圣诞节，我答应了，因为当圣诞老人太棒了。你穿上这套衣服，就像是有了免费通行证。
Well, the guy at the mall asked me to stay on till Christmas, and I said yes, because being Santa's awesome. You wear this suit, it's like a free pass.
3:20
人们让你做任何你想做的事情。你在说什么？哦，这就是梦想的东西，洛伊斯。
People let you do anything you want. What are you talking about? Oh, it's the stuff of dreams, Lois.
3:25
免费墨西哥卷饼，免费橙鸡，免费椒盐卷饼。你从美食广场出来了吗？我到了边境。
Free burritos, free orange chicken, free pretzels. Did you make it out of the food court? I made it to the border.
3:31
我得到了一个免费的iPhone手机壳和一个小车牌。上面写着Cory。是的，花了我一分钱都没有。
I got a free iPhone case and a tiny license plate. It says Cory. Yep, cost me zilch.
3:41
我们打断这个节目，播报特别报道。一架从旧金山飞往夸霍格的航班与空中交通管制失去联系。
We interrupt this program with a special report. A flight from San Francisco to Quahog has lost contact with air traffic control.
3:46
哦，我的天。那是你父亲的航班。政府官员正在密切监视情况。
Oh, my God. That's your father's flight. Government officials are monitoring the situation closely.
3:52
我会在这个故事进展时为你更新。接下来在中午新闻中，一对30多岁的夫妇结婚时没有他们的狗在婚礼上。
I'll be here to update you as this story progresses. Coming up on the midday news, a couple in their 30s gets married without their dog being in the wedding.
3:59
你不会相信他们的故事。我不知道你为什么这么兴奋。
You're not gonna believe their story. I don't know what you're so excited about.
4:04
罗布·格朗科斯基可能是我们能要求的最糟糕的邻居。你知道他会整天晚上都在聚会。
Rob Gronkowski is probably the worst neighbor we could ask for. You know he's gonna be partying day and night.
4:09
这可不是那个美味的朱利安·埃德尔曼。现在有一个你可以兴奋的爱国者。
It's not like it's that tasty piece of ass Julian Edelman. Now there's a patriot you can get excited about.
4:14
我知道他是外接手，但如果他不同，我就被占有了。我会接受一切。我会接受任何事情。
I know he's a wide receiver, but if he's different, I'm taken. I'll take it all. I'll take it wherever.
4:22
无论如何，去舔吧，你这个大傻瓜。我会在这里把G连接到Fata埃德尔曼。是的，伙计。什么？什么？
Anyway, go suck up, you big dumb mother. I'll be here hookin' G to Fata Edelman. Yes, man. What? What?
4:29
这个地方太棒了！完全是！嘿，你看到汤姆·西泽莫尔在浴室里用汤勺吗？
This place is awesome! Totally! Hey, did you see Tom Sizemore in the bathroom with a ladle?
4:41
你已经连续播放同一首歌14个小时了！这意味着你们很棒！我对你们的判断是正确的！
You've been playing the exact same song for 14 hours! That means you're great! I was right about you guys!
4:48
奇怪，你把这变成了对自己的赞美。好吧，我在吸可卡因！
Weird, you turned that into a compliment about yourself. Well, I'm on cocaine!
4:53
现在，在我走之前，我就喝这杯水。
Now, before I go, I'm just gonna old man drink this glass of water.
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